We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The air was thick with penises
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
