so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize