Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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