Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
