where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There r osticjed everywhere
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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