She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
