I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
