Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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