my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
