the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
