I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
