You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How naked do you want me to be?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
