My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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