He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are two peas in an std pod
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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