you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
