Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
