Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
