I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
