Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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