So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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