2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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