Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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