You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
