Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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