i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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