Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
