she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
