So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
