very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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