hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
