I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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