Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
