I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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