in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
