it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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