How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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