hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
