i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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