It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
