go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
