Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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