Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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