32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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