A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
