I am midnight drunk by noon
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
