And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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