I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
