I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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