his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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