Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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