I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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