He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're a disaster