Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.