If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone