I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.