the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
