I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
