I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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