I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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