508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
