I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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