Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
