My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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